Eyes Wide Shut

What seemed like forever proved to be transitory sooner than I expected. What I saw as true and sincere turned out to be the most false thing in the world. What I viewed as bad turned out to be the best thing that could ever happen to me. Life has that odd habit of snapping right back at me when I least expect it. Moreover, life smacked me with the fact that almost everything around me is covered in pure irony. 

I've always believed in the fact that I own the best set of friends in the whole wide universe. I would recount our laughs, our crazy conversations and all the silly little things that we do. I would often say, he's my friend..and him too..oh and her too..he as well. Smh, I thought I gained tons of friends. But in reality, I have not. If I would have to recall all the mistakes I did in the recent past and match it with the people who still stood by my side, then my heart would break. What I thought as a perfect 10, trimmed down to less than 1. I read somewhere that in life, a person only has five true friends in their lifetime. I panicked at this thought and wondered if I gained that much. I guess it's always safe to say that who I branded as my friends turned out to be the exact opposite. Despite that sad fact, there will always be those real ones who will forever be with you even if your fart smells so bad. The genuine ones will never leave your side even if fate is trying to pull them away.  Lesson learned, I shall never get attached too much. True friends stick like boogers, fake ones are more slippery than slime. 

And then there are those people who pretend that they care about me. Those people who say, "let's hang out" but really don't mean it. Those people who squirms "I miss you" but they don't. Hey, cut out the drama. I can see through you. I know your secret. You pretend, I pretend too. I might flash a smile at you, but trust me I have killed you in my head a thousand times. I can pretend that I look up to you, when the truth is you're just plain teletubby to me. 

I for one would never be able to fathom how narcissistic some people could be. I don't get why they are born into this world with the idea that they are better than what is already perfect. I cannot bring myself into understanding how some people could judge just by watching on the sidelines. I am ultimately unable to bear the thought that someone who you love so much has that keen ability of breaking you down into tiny little pieces. It's horribly amazing to realize that people actually enjoy to see someone crashing and burning via loss and defeat. 

I fancy making random skips and turns, doing things with eyes wide shut. Sometimes I'm structured, sometimes I'm messy. Recently, I realized that I have constantly looked at myself less than what I actually was. I have that notion of mediocrity, when in fact I can be brilliant at some point. My dark days are over and are way behind the past. Life has currently gifted me with shiny perspectives. The little girl in me squeals that I should accept. Practically, the mature girl that I keep as a facade pushes me to be alert. Mr. Fate can play games at me again. 

If I die today, go to heaven and have my whole life flash before me..I surely would see a retrospective into memories full of uncertainties. Yet those uncertainties led me to bringing myself face down on the ground, then picking myself up after. What others see as nonsense, actually are the most sensible things to me. ▲