The Blanche Diaries: School girl

There were times when everything felt like it's too much. There were those moments when I told myself that I can't do it. Frustration, fatigue, sleepless nights, pressure and tension all balled up into one. Sometimes, I'd even look at the mirror and ask myself what I've gotten myself into. I began to wonder if I really had what it took to finish all of these. I couldn't even count the times when I cried and attempted to yank all of my hair out.

Thus, I studied as hard as I could. I worked on my difficulties, crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. I challenged myself to become better and kept my head straight on the prize. Unfortunately, there were instances wherein it would boil down to this:

The exams and requirements were too unpredictable but I was determined enough to go with the flow. I had no choice but fight that battle, all I had in mind is to come out of it unscathed. The results are usually posted a couple of weeks after the exam period, and I remember myself feeling contented because I made it to the upper half. But there was a sneaky feeling inside that told me that it still wasn't enough. Prelims, midterms and finals period passed making me realize that the ultimate truth was about to unfold. There was nothing left to do but to wait. I felt like an insomniac, thrashing in my sleep because of extreme paranoia.

Supposedly, the release of grades in school was last Saturday. I was so scared that I didn't get it on that day. Shame on me, I prolonged my agony even more. That was the most stupid idea I had this month. I woke up today and told myself that I had to face my fear. I went to school with my friend, approached our department chairperson and took our grades. I took a deep breath before looking at my grades. Upon seeing it, I felt myself bursting into tiny tears. I was like..

I know some people might say I'm OA, but hey..I shed happy tears!! I FREAKIN' PASSED ALL MY SUBJECTS! I was so happy and relieved that I wanna scream. I would do with a mere passing grade but I was given more than that. Please bear with my emotional blog entry, okay? You guys won't imagine what I've been through just to achieve this. All my efforts and prayers have paid off. Today, I had the most wonderful feeling I never had in months. I was in total disbelief at first, but the truth started to sink in. My friend and I looked at each other, did a high five and.. danced in the hallway. We totally looked like idiots, but we deserved to have a happy outburst anyway. :p

Good grades, great God. I wasn't expecting much but I was given so much more! I'm definitely stoked for the next semester and I promise that I will work harder. I'm thankful for those people who have always believed in me and who have never left my side even through my down times. Infinite thanks to the BIG GUY up there! I couldn't have done without You! You have listened to my prayers and helped me along the way! <3

Exploding with happiness right now. I think I can have as much sleep as I want to. :)

Avec amour,

Life tends to snap at you at the most unexpected time, and it would always come up with different turns that would confuse you. I am not a stranger to how unpredictable life can be. There was that particular point that I felt everything was a big heap of mess, but later on I realized I'm actually blessed. A few wrong turns took me to something new, something life changing, something that broadened my horizons. At that point when I thought everything was coming to an end, it everything fell into place after all. Life has been full of surprises, and I know I'll be expecting more. One thing is for sure, God will never give me something I cannot handle.

Let me share with you snippets of my first semester as the "new kid". (I'm sorry if the majority would be food. Pigging out takes most of our time. :p)

PT/OT Day