Since that fateful day, that day I made a decision, that day I found out something about me that made me doubt my faith, I had sleepless nights. For about three weeks now, I've been tossing and turning in bed, a myriad of thoughts streaming through my head. I keep on asking myself, "WHY?" and at some point, I cry occasionally because these changes are the most frustrating leap of events that I've ever encountered. My life has been put in hold, and all my plans just flew out of the window. As of this moment, I'm travelling across the wild oblivion, totally helpless but still running free.
I did try my best in most parts, but my efforts were lackluster for some. I kept on thinking if I have done it differently before, I won't be where I am now. But there's another thing that I found out about me that scares me most. That was definitely out of my control. I just don't see the reason why all of these are happening to me. Though I've been finding lights in different spots, I still can't get the clear picture. I know I've made a few mistakes, I walked out of path, but I'm pretty sure that I've been a good person.
As of now, I have no right to complain. I am in no place to be angry at fate for putting me here. I need to contain my frustrations and turn them into creative energy. But how? Where do I go from here? I'm jotting down my plans, and my list is overflowing, ideas coming through and through. I have time in my hands, I hope I finish them all. All I can do is pray and wish for things to come together one by one. I've been getting by because of the love of my family and my friends. They've been motivating me and reassuring me that I did do my best and that I can make it somehow, someday. I'm a huge doubter, and I still have disbelief on the side. Still, I'll forever be thankful for the love I'm receiving.
God has something in store for me, in that I trust. He will make things better, I hope this leads me as I sleep. In time all things will be beautiful, I hope that helps me to hold on. While I'm having this emotional battle in me, I'm wishing for better days. Though things have lightened up incredibly and in fast pace, I still can't help but feel distressed. I still go back to the past and I would love to change things if only it was possible.
I'll end this drama with my 11/11/11 wish. I hope my all my dreams would come true. Though I've faltered on some notes, know that deep in my heart I did all that I can. My story shall go on. I won't put a period. See me, when I'm on the top, in superb health and in perfect shape again.
Posted by Cassie Blanche at 1:11 PM